That’s not gonna fit
Hold my beer
If you happened to see a woman in the Target parking lot last week, struggling for a good 15 minutes in the blazing heat to fit a bunch of plastic drawers into her car, that was me.
I hope nobody was filming me.
I’d gone shopping for a plastic drawer unit. There were exactly three in stock in the size I needed. One was broken. The other two were on clearance for 50-percent off. Score! I loaded the two working drawer units into my cart.
They didn’t exactly fit in the cart. I had to precariously balance one on top of the other. I could no longer see where I was going and I nearly ran into three people on my way to the parking lot.
It was only then that I remembered I have a tiny car.
I knew I could fit one of the drawer units into my passenger seat. I hoped the other one would fit in the trunk.
I should have known better. I have a tiny trunk. There’s not even room for a spare tire in my trunk. Instead of a spare, the manufacturer provided a can of tire sealant.
The good news is, my tiny car is also a convertible.
Plan B: I put the top down, put one drawer unit in the passenger seat, stacked the second drawer unit on top and wedged it against the windshield to try to secure it in place.
I gave myself a 33 percent chance of making it home without the top drawer unit blowing off into traffic.
Plan C: Take the second drawer unit back into the store and ask them to hold it for me. But that would be admitting defeat.
I’m very proud of my packing skills. I have been known to unload and reload the entire dishwasher just to fit one more dirty dish in there.
The universe had challenged me to a packing contest. I was not giving up that easily.
Plan D: As I was taking the second drawer unit back out of the car, the plastic top started to come loose. I realized I could break this thing down into its component parts. Which I did, in the middle of the parking lot, under the blazing sun.
It broke down into three drawers and three leg units.
I gave myself a 70 percent chance of being able to put it back together again at home.
I managed to wedge two leg units and one drawer into the trunk, but there was no room for anything else in there.
Plan E: Reconsider Plan C. Stubbornly refuse.
Plan F: I took the first unit out of the passenger seat and shoved the third leg unit under the dash. I put the first unit back into the passenger seat, and buckled it in for good measure. I perched one of the remaining drawers on top of it. There was just enough clearance to put the convertible top back up to secure the stack.
The remaining drawer fit next to the passenger seat, although it covered up the gear shift and there was barely enough room for me to squeeze into the driver’s seat.
I had won the packing contest, but at great cost.
Note to self: If it won’t fit in a shopping cart, it won’t fit in your car.