Light bulb jokes
It helps to be bright when buying new light bulbs
How many trips to the hardware store does it take to change a light bulb?
If you’re me, it’s three and counting.
I live in a house that was designed by an artist, so there are a lot of recessed ceiling lights and fancy track lights, all of which point in different directions and/or need special light bulbs.
Over the past few weeks, four of those special light bulbs burned out.
As long as I was having to replace four light bulbs, I figured I might as well replace a handful of other light bulbs that had been getting on my nerves. They were older fluorescent bulbs that took forever to warm up and turn on, and when they did finally light up it was with a blue light that made everything look a little sickly. Plus, I hate to say it, they were just dim bulbs.
When I got to the store, I realized the bulbs I needed were only available in packs of six.
I wound up spending a small fortune on LED light bulbs — enough to replace every bulb in the house. LEDs use much less electricity and are supposed to last for years. The promise is that if I hand over a bunch of money, I never have to change another light bulb ever again, right?
When I got home and got the new light bulbs out of the box, I realized they were very fancy indeed. They had little slider switches so I could choose how bright I wanted them to be, and what color I wanted them to be. Nothing exciting like purple, though, just “soft white,” “bright white,” “true white,” “cool white,” “daylight” or “daylight deluxe.”
What color exactly is “soft”? You’d think “daylight” would be warm and yellow, like the sun. But no. The warm, yellow one is “soft white.” “Daylight” is like you’re lying in an operating room.
As I started screwing in the new light bulbs, I realized they were too big. Light bulbs were not on my list of “things you need to measure before you go to the hardware store.”
I went back to the hardware store to exchange them.
I eventually got all of the new light bulbs screwed in except for the ones in the vaulted ceiling that we don’t have a ladder tall enough to reach. To change those light bulbs, I use a “light bulb changer kit” that includes a little suction cup that attaches to the end of a long pole. It sounds like an accident waiting to happen, but it works surprisingly well.
Except that when I went to the garage to get it, I discovered that the little suction cup had warped over the hot summer and was no longer usable.
Which means I’m headed back to the hardware store for the third (but probably not last) time.